We’ve become so obsessed with greatness that a lot of the time we ignore the good enough things, even though there was a time when we didn’t have those things at all, even though we wanted them for a while but now that they are here, we don’t appreciate or value them because they aren’t as great as we wanted them to be. And worse, sometimes we don’t even see the good things in front of us because they aren’t great, “just” good enough.
Yes, striving for greatness is not a bad thing, but it becomes that way when we want everything to be great, when we want all relationships/dates/meals/projects/etc to be great, when we only want to have great days/weeks/months/years and ignore the mundane or the good enough ones, when we lose sight of the good in front of us because we are more focused on the potential greatness in our future, when we forgo the real good enough thing for the imaginary great one that doesn’t even exist in our life.
Yes, wanting great sex is not a bad thing, but it becomes one when we only want or expect great sex since it’s not always possible or achievable. And because of our expectations of greatness we become unsatisfied by the good enough sex, even though it might have satisfied our needs or it might have brought us connection or it might have made us feel good in the moment.
Yes, wanting to write a great book is not a bad thing, but it becomes that way when we don’t send the good enough book to the publisher or we don’t make our dream of writing a book come true because we believe we aren’t talented/experienced enough to write a great one. And yes, it may be true that we can’t write a great book yet or ever, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t write one at all. No, it just means that we have to be okay with good enough. Also, there isn’t a reader in this world who only reads great books, nope, that is impossible. And, I might consider a book to be great, but others might believe that the same book is good enough or even mediocre. So, please write the book even if it won’t match the greatness standard.
Yes, wanting to enjoy a great meal is not a bad thing, but it becomes one if we want all our meals to be great and become resentful/unsatisfied/annoyed when we eat okay or even good enough foods. Eating only great meals is not possible and also, we wouldn’t even want that because at some point we would become used to their greatness, so they won’t be great anymore, but ordinary.
Yes, wanting to have great friendships/relationships is not a bad thing, but it becomes that way when we don’t appreciate or even take into account the good enough ones that we already have in our lives because they are far from great.
Yes, wanting to have a great vacation is not a bad thing, but it becomes one when we have high expectations of everything going great, of having a great time all the time, of having only great weather/conversations/foods/excursions/pictures. That’s because it is unrealistic since there are so many things out of our control on a vacation, since life doesn’t work that way and being on a vacation doesn’t mean everything must and will unfold great, since it might leave us unprepared for changes/unforeseen situations/unpleasant surprises.
Yes, wanting to watch a great movie is not a bad thing, but it becomes that way if we only want to watch great movies because that might lead to days when we waste a lot of time looking for a great movie to watch and end up not having enough time to watch one at all.
And no, I’m not saying we have to settle for bad or mediocre sex/food/relationships/creations/etc, but there’s a difference between bad, good enough and great. Also, mediocre food will make us appreciate more a great or even a good meal. The bad sex might make us realize what it’s missing or it might bring us an emotional connection and that might be enough for now. Making a good enough creation might bring us happiness because we transformed an idea into a real thing, it might bring us meaning and a sense of purpose, it might help us realize we want to create more. A bad relationship can teach us what a good relationship is or that we deserve more. Having a good enough friendship might make us feel less lonely, might bring a little bit of connection in our life, might help us meet new people or try new things. Writing a bad book might help us realize that it wasn’t actually our dream or that we need more experience to write a good one or that we really love writing and we want to take a course to become better at it.
And I’m not saying to lower our standards or to stop searching for greatness, but what I’m saying is that wanting or expecting greatness in everything we do/all we have/every experience makes us unhappy, miserable, even depressed at times. And it makes us ignore a lot of good enough things that do add value to our lives or enrich them, that do bring positive emotions to our days, that do help us in a way, that do benefit us in the long run, that do make our lives better.
Also, always striving for greatness and in almost everything: morning routine, sex, our creations, relationships, workouts, meals, vacations, friendships, jobs, holidays, the books/poems/blog posts we write or read, dates, etc, will make us more likely to have an all or nothing mindset. And this hinders or even hurts us since we might consider that working out 1 or 2 times per week is not worth it because what is great for us is exercising 3 or 4 days a week. This is a real example of mine when years ago I would think in all of nothing kind of way because the diet culture/social media made me believe that I should always strive for greatness. So when I couldn’t, I just didn’t do it at all because “it wouldn’t count”. Nowadays though, I still have a standard for greatness, but it doesn’t hurt me anymore because I also have a good enough one. In terms of working out, it would be great if I would exercise 4/5 days per week, but on paper I have a standard between 3 and 5 days, so it means that 3 times per week would be good enough for me. And I don’t beat myself up when I don’t reach the greatness level I’m striving for or even the good enough one. And most importantly, I try to do the best I can with the resources that I have at any given moment. So yes, there are times when I only work out 2 days a week, but that’s okay because my circumstances/schedule/levels of energy/sleep pattern/etc influence my life and impacts how much or hard I work out. The amazing thing about letting go of the all or nothing thinking is that I now exercise consistently and regularly. So, I don’t follow the old pattern anymore where I would work out for a few months and then have a break for a few months. No, nowadays I sometimes have a week long break or a little bit longer, but it doesn’t happen often. And I haven’t had a break of a few months in years because I know I can’t always achieve greatness, but I can do good enough or sometimes I can only do something, and that’s way better than nothing.
Greatness is not a bad thing to strive for, it can be excellent actually, because it might lead to better things or the best ones, but it’s impossible to achieve it every single time and in every situation. It’s good to have this standard but if we become rigid in our thinking, we most likely won’t see how far we’ve come, we won’t realize that sometimes good enough is what we need/can have or do at the moment, we might overlook the fact that yesterday we were bad at something and today we are good enough, and that’s actually a step closer to greatness. And, sometimes good enough is really enough for us at the time/in that situation. Good enough is not the enemy of greatness, sometimes it is all that is possible, sometimes it is a stepping stone to greatness, sometimes it is just what’s necessary, and it is always better than nothing.
Greatness is something we can all strive for, but we mustn’t strive for it so much that we become enslaved by it, that we only want/expect greatness in everything or every single time, that it permeates our whole life, that we totally ignore good enough, that it becomes the only measure we use. Yes, we can strive for greatness, but that doesn’t mean we should strive for it in every part of our life or every single day. That would be exhausting and not even possible for the reality we live in, for all the length of our life, for us as human beings who need to grow/learn/make mistakes. And lowering the standard to good enough is not giving up or not working hard enough, it is acceptance and it is doing the best we can in those circumstances. And it is necessary a lot of the time so we can do all the things we want to do.
Something to think about:
- Do you expect greatness from you or others much too often?
- Do you look for greatness in almost every experience/thing/relationship?
- Are you frequently disappointed that you/others don’t meet your greatness standards? If yes, wouldn’t it be better if you would still strive for greatness but be okay with good enough at times?
Happy fact: time affluence makes us happier than money affluence. Time affluence means having enough time to do what we want to do.
